Why enjoying life can get complicated

So you're born into this life, you live blissfully ignorant for a few years, and then at some point it happens. You lose your innocence - with the realization that some day it will all come to an end. So once you know that your time is limited, the question becomes: how do you spend it?

The two most general categories used for describing the human experience are pleasure and pain. As Freud pointed out, most all people will instinctively seek the former and avoid the latter (with the exception of writers, who love torturing themselves). So the ideal life to lead would be the life that offers the most pleasure, right? But pleasure comes in different forms. I separate it into two main types: the pleasure of sensory experience, and the pleasure of challenge and achievement.

We all know what the pleasure of sensory experience feels like. Eating a chocolate fudge sundae. Watching your favorite stand-up comedian perform. When "Black Dog" comes on the radio. Having sex with someone you are attracted to. Doing any of the above activities while under the influence of the magic cannabis plant. But all of these things are transitory - they don't last. All you gain from sensory experience is that feeling in that moment. Once you've finished your ice cream, once the comedy show is over, once the sex is over - no matter how spectacular - the pleasurable feeling leaves you, and all you're left with is a memory of it, and a desire to regain it. Enjoying these sensory experiences are what make the human experience lively, vivid and interesting. The monks who abstain from physical pleasures in order obtain some abstract spiritual enlightenment are dopes. They need to stand up out of the lotus position, get the fuck out of the temple and go get laid, because they are missing some of the great pleasures along the way on this ride.

But what do you do once that great sensory experience is over? You come back to baseline - your own banal, every day reality. You've enjoyed escaping through entertainment, the nutritionally nonexistent yet delicious junk food, the great sexual experience, but you really haven't gained much, you really haven't grown as an individual. The situation becomes worse when you become a "seeker" - living only for that next novel experience to distract you from the reality that you aren't improving yourself. In short, you are simply taking the value that the world offers you and consuming it without putting anything back. This is the "seeker's" mentality when they become attached to an experience that they ultimately get no lasting satisfaction from.

In my experience, what I enjoy most and get the most satisfaction from are activities that allow me to challenge myself, learn, and develop new skills. The difficulty here is twofold - first is actually finding out what these activities are for you; something not challenging enough to be frustrating, not easy enough to be boring, and something that will allow you to progress in the direction of what you are passionate about. Secondly, once you identify the actions you need to take, the difficulty is finding the motivation and discipline to put in the consistent practice necessary for progress.

Once you figure out this process, the only thing left to ask yourself is what do you want? What do you really want? Not many people sit down and think about this question honestly, they have vague notions of what they want, but they never definitively spell it out. I suggest taking the time to write out your goals in a document on your computer. Start with life goals, then identify the progress you want to make within the year, then within the current month, then within the current week. Suddenly your to-do list becomes sharply apparent and it energizes you to take action. You wish you didn't have to sleep or there were more hours in the day.

This is how you begin to take ownership, and have authorship over your life. You are the hero in the novel of your life, it's time to start mapping out the plot. Decide what you want, read the theories, look at examples of how other people achieved something similar, decide how you are going to get there and do it every single day. Once you have that foundation of self improvement in your life, then everything else becomes richer and more enjoyable. You can enjoy the sensory pleasures of life that much more once you have a rock solid sense of what you want, where you are and where you are going. Everything science tells us about the universe is that it is meaningless and purposeless; hoping to find an objective meaning to life is a futile search. You have to create your own meaning in life and this is how you do it.
 

This is your brain on writing

Long time no post. I know I've kept my hoards of adoring fans waiting for a while now, so here I am once again. Most all of my energy spent writing this summer has gone into working on screenplays. I've completed three of them over the break and am about one third of the way through my current project.

When you spend at least two hours every day writing ("writing" sometimes consists of sitting and forcing yourself to look at the screen while you wait for something to happen), you find ways to experiment with the process - to make it a more interesting experience, more productive, or ideally both. The most obvious variable to tweak in the writing process is the engine behind it - your brain. The modern world offers a lavish buffet spread of every conceivable mind-altering substance: stimulants, depressants, psychedelics, whatever your pleasure.

The act of writing goes against your instincts. The animal "monkey mind" inside you wants to know why the hell you are sitting still in front of a glowing screen for hours on end. These instinctual inhibitions manifest themselves in many different ways - daydreaming about anything other than your writing, getting lost down the internet rabbit hole in the name of "research," taking a break to snack on something or even... yes sometimes doing laundry or cleaning the bathroom seems more appealing than your keyboard when you don't feel like writing. Taking time out to sit down and focus on writing takes discipline, and discipline will make anyone squirm.

It is well documented the lengths that writers in history have gone to escape the banality of ordinary sober consciousness. Alcohol, cigarettes, coffee, tea, marijuana, opium, and cocaine are all popular choices. Or if you are Stephen King, you do all of them at once and write something like The Tommyknockers. Any one of these substances can provide a shift in perspective that can be helpful for looking at your writing in a new way. Some people vibe exceptionally well with one substance, and that works for them. They label themselves. "I'm a whiskey writer." 

For me, the joy is in finding the right combination that allows me to be stimulated enough to problem-solve critically, while also uninhibited enough to not be overly analytical. Through rigorous trial and error research, I have come to a recipe that effectively turns my neurochemistry into awesome soup: caffeine (one cup of coffee or energy drink), marijuana (one small hit is good - very easy to overdo it and end up sleepy or wanting to eat something), and nootropics. If you haven't heard of nootropics, they are essentially vitamins that enhance the function of neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin. The vitamins I take that effect brain function are B-complex, fish oil, bacopa, and piracetam. Combined with the stimulant effect of the caffeine and the perspective changing quality of the marijuana, it has produced good results for me. The main conclusion - don't be afraid to experiment with your own consciousness. Be a scientist of your own mind, explore and find out what works best for you.

As soon as I get my completed screenplays broken down and get budgets estimated for filming them, I will be posting them as Kickstarter projects. In the meantime I'll try to be more active with this blog, my twitter account and also the youtube page I recently set up to upload monologue performances to.

Evolution of music taste

If you trace back anyone's musical preferences throughout their life, you can to a large extent determine the process of their maturation and progression as a person. As you grow up, you are surrounded by a number of different influences, some by chance and some by choice, but all of them have some kind of impact on you. At any given point in your life, if you were asked why you like the music you do, you would probably have an answer that referred to your own self perception of your personality at the time. But "personality" is not static, it is fluid. Your personality is a combination of all of the thoughts, experiences, and outside influences that make you into the current, latest version of "you," and it is constantly changing. I think the music you like the most at any given time is a reflection of something you perceive about yourself. At a certain point in your maturity you will solidify what you consider your favorite music, but knowing that you like that music, you will set it aside and seek out new stuff you haven't heard before. This setting aside of music you already know that you like allows you to experience new stuff and also makes the inevitable return to your favorites that much more enjoyable. Coming back to music you listened to months or years earlier is like encountering a part of your past self and getting reacquainted. You notice things you hadn't before with your matured perspective, learning more about the music and also yourself.

My earliest music experiences were had in the back seat of my parents' red 1989 Dodge Caravan, riding to and from school or along for the ride about town. My parents were hippies that grew up in the late 70s and 80s, and they loved classic rock. Even as early as four or five years old I started to recognize the songs on the radio that I liked - I didn't have to understand the lyrics or know the band, I just felt the energy, rhythm, and passion that was being transmitted through the radio speakers directly into me. The sounds of Seger, Skynyrd, the Steve Miller band, among many others were giving me feelings I couldn't possibly understand yet, but that would be reawakened later.

My next major music phase was hip hop. I grew up watching and playing basketball, and played on my high school basketball team. Basketball is deeply connected to hip hop culture, and with the advent of the internet in the early 2000s along with the influences of my teammates, I discovered world of self proclaimed gangsters, pimps, and hustlers through the lyrics of rap and hip hop music. Artists like Biggie, Jay-Z, and Nas fascinated me with storytelling rhymes about growing up in their dangerous neighborhoods and what they did to make it out and be successful. Growing up in a small Oklahoma town around nothing but kind and friendly people, their world was completely alien to me and I wanted to know everything about it. I also was attracted to the Mafioso and machismo image that groups like the Wu-Tang Clan represented. I was seeing films like Goodfellas and The Godfather; the characters in those movies and the rap artists in the music both had an intense ambition behind their actions that allowed them to rise up from unfortunate circumstances, I respected and admired that. With my life being extremely easy and cushioned in comparison, I was scared that I wouldn't be able to find that same drive to succeed within myself.

I got reacquainted with my love for classic rock near the end of high school when I started smoking cannabis. My stoner friends, who I had always associated with at school but never actually hung out or partied with, were into all of the usual suspects when it came to great classic rock to listen to while getting baked: Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, The Beatles, Creedence Clearwater Revival, etc. We would roll joints and drive down the highway with music blaring, having the time of our lives. The combination of the cannabis smoke and the themes of sex, drugs, and good times from the lyrics of these bands opened my mind to a new realm of experience - the music and cannabis combined together seemed to enrich my life and give me a fresh perspective on what I truly valued versus what society tells the average person they should value.

Since then I have explored the rock genre more and found an amazing group of rock subgenre that I had never heard before. It started with seeing the film Pulp Fiction. Quentin Tarantino included surf rock from Dick Dale and rockabilly tunes from Chuck Berry into the soundtrack. From there I researched both subgenres and found that there was a certain positive energy and enthusiasm packaged in nearly every surf rock or rockabilly song I came across. It is impossible to listen to a jumping rockabilly song and feel depressed about anything. I then discovered the similar psychedelic rock and blues guitar subgenres, which I also enjoy. Achieving my writing goals requires a lot of mental energy, and these rock subgenres, which often helpfully have no lyrics to conflict with my thoughts, provide me with a boost and carry the momentum of mental energy throughout the writing process.

I would advise going back and picking through your music history, relisten to what you used to love, and see what you think about it now. You might make some discoveries along the way. 

Meditation, nutrition, and creativity

                       Everyone has goals that they want to achieve in life. Whether they be conscious or unconscious, lofty or modest, we are all traveling down a path, and where that path leads is largely determined by what we decide to pay attention to, and where we direct our energy. The mind is the universe's most powerful tool for creating reality, yet people underestimate the power of their own decision making. For many people it is easy to get caught up in the negativity of anxiety, doubt, and depression. I think these things stem from a feeling of helplessness - which arises from the experience of not being able to control your own consciousness. We've all been there, you knew you shouldn't have wasted time watching a mindless TV show, you knew you shouldn't have eaten that much ice cream, you knew you shouldn't have taken that extra bong hit or had one more beer, but you did. And to some extent, that's one of the great pleasures of life, impulsiveness and indulgence. In that moment of pleasure, you didn't care about the consequences and it felt good. But when your impulses begin to continually overrule your conscious decision making, you relinquish control over your life - your emotions and instinctual desires are leading the way,  preventing you from creating your own ideal reality. So if the mind is the main tool that must be used to manifest your reality and lead you down the life path you want to go, you have to train the mind to take the reigns over your impulses and emotions. In his book Where Good Ideas Come From, Stephen Johnson talks about the concept of the "adjacent possible" - the idea that there is a shadow of possibility and potential hanging over each present moment. What can we do to take advantage of each moment and reach our potential?

One of the best methods I have come across for training my attention and concentration is the practice of meditation. I meditate twice a day for ten minutes at a time, once when I wake up, and once before sleeping. I was introduced to the concept of meditation through two main sources: Sakyong Mipham's books Turning the Mind into an Ally and Ruling Your World: Ancient Strategies for Modern Life, and also Alan Watts, whose books and audio recordings on YouTube created an insatiable interest for me in the principles of Zen Buddhism and Taoism. Meditation may seem like a frivolous activity to the outside observer, but once you start to practice it consistently, you notice that it is having a positive effect on your thinking. When you first sit down in meditation as a beginner and make a commitment to focus on nothing but the present moment, ten minutes seems to stretch on for an eternity. Your mind wanders to everything except the present moment, you start thinking about your to-do list for tomorrow, that you should have gotten that girl's number that you met earlier, that you need to go to the gym more often. But as you practice day after day, it becomes easier to focus on the present. You start to realize that focusing on the present brings a mental clarity and rush of mental energy that is absent when your mind is weighed down by the inner chattering of thought. You then can begin to translate this clarity and energy into your daily life - your attention feels more sharply focused, you can easily concentrate on tasks without being distracted, and time almost seems to slow down as you notice the small details of life that you had previously been taking for granted. Meditation is an invaluable tool for training your mind's attention and enjoying a richer life experience.

Another major factor that plays into my ability to get my creative work accomplished is my energy level, both mental and physical. Lack of energy is the biggest distraction I have come across, and is the easiest excuse to give in to procrastination or the option of easy, passive experience provided by flipping TV channels or getting lost browsing the web. I have found that the best way to combat low energy levels is with a diet rich in fruits and vegetables. One of the more interesting books I have read recently is called Left in the Dark by Tony Wright. In it, Wright presents a unique theory of human evolution that links the fruit and vegetable based diets of early forest-dwelling hominids to the rapid expansion of the neocortex or "higher thinking" part of the brain. Fruit and vegetables provide a wealth of vitamins, minerals, and phytochemicals that act as precursors for neurotransmitters. Abiding by a specific diet with a fasting regiment and calorie reduction, besides having great mental and physical benefits, has been a great exercise in discipline that I can translate into other areas of my life, such as creative work. I loosely follow a regiment similar to what Martin Berkhan outlines at his popular blog, Leangains. Deciding to follow a specific diet and weight training program and sticking to certain principles is one of the most direct ways to see the real-world results that you can manifest by making conscious decisions toward self-improvement, formulating a plan, and taking action. The results that come from doing so give you a reservoir of confidence to draw from in all other aspects of your life. Choosing to resist foods made with refined sugar and grains in favor of lean protein, fruits, and vegetables not only demonstrates a commitment to discipline, but also creates a positive feedback loop once you realize how much better it feels to eat food that works in synch with your biology instead of working against it. Your energy levels rise and you feel a renewed motivation to approach the day's activity with vigor and enthusiasm.

My advice to anyone who wants to improve their mental and physical well-being, boost their energy levels and have the ability to sustain focus and concentration - practice meditation and eat well. These two things will serve as a foundation of power and inspiration to spring you into action and start doing what the fuck it is you were born to do! Get out there and do you motherfuckers, find your passion and work your ass off, do it to the fullest and enjoy every second!

Listen to some Led Zeppelin to get your day started off right!